yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
