My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
