I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
