If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
