Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
