Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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