Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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