You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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