turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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