happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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