This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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