and she was petting her beer can
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't deserve a penis
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
