The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
