Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
