It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
