I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
