Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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