I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
