I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
