You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
