i'm signing you up for texting rehab
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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