you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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