Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
