There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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