I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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