the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
