Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
