u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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