So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish you could order shots online.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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