If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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