I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
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so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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