I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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