highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
