I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
