just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
