Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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