Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
