omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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