Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
