dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
