Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
