omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
