so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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