There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
