So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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