It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
