Screwed.edu
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You may now shotgun with the bride
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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