I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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