I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize