the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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