Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
