I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
