What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Still dying that you shit outside
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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