I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
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He better not be in your backpack
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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