Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
