I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
bring money and cleavage
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
