I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
