I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
