Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
