She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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