You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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