I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
