2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
