So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
