i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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