Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
