you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
