Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
