You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
