when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
