I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize