There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
