hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
