yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
