i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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